Washington D.C.

It's no point telling me we could try again with a "Let's see how in December, I'll then be back permanently."

I've psyched myself I can live with or without you. With all that had transpired, I thought we had reached a conclusion and closed this door shut.

Now, you came and opened up the Pandora's box. I am sorry, you can have this tin of worms, I don't deserve your attention at all.

You brought me brief joy, and endless hurt.

I missed you, I miss you still, no denial about that.

But throughout the months you were gone and rebouncing to other girls, I've learnt and moved along. I wrapped myself in the cocoon of pain and hurt then, going on my every day as per routine. Working, eating, gaming, chilling out, sleeping, etc. I became the busiest person. On my chill out days, I was still joking about and around just to hide myself from myself and my friends.

All these, to get away from the traumatised Bebe inside.

I was afraid to see who I really was. I was afraid to see who you really were.

Days went by, I grew wings. And I soared, away from you. I found the lady who seemed afraid to be exposed. I found the hurt that accompanied it. I found the snares and traps of resentment and bitterness that strengthened it.

I do not want to fall back into the dark pit. I never want to walk down this lane of flaming fire and boiling lava.

Don't come knocking on this sealed door, please. I don't know if I have the courage to ignore the knocks, I might succumb, I just might, and it won't be a pretty sight.

Let me leave with dignity and closure, don't make me look back over my shoulder. Don't leave me fearful of the day I will get to watch you walking away from me. I don't want a diminishing backview of yours as a memory of mine forever. Don't leave me saying a teary goodbye again. Don't haunt me.

Missing you will never be as painful as having you and then to lose you again.

Get lost... and don't ever return.